i do my best thinking in the shower. i probably spend a little too much time in there daydreaming instead of lathering.
i really think life isn't worth living unless you have something to look forward to.
not having anything to look forward to breeds depression, feelings of hopelessness, and inevitably, suicide.
i have much to look forward to. i have much to hope for.
i have a couple new angles on the job search. i have something on the burner and it smells pretty nice. i am optomistic because of the sunshine and the cardinal i saw the other day.
i'm going to my cousin's wedding the day after my birthday. i never see my extended family so i'm really looking forward to it. and rhode island is pretty in may. my birthday is may 1st and i've decided that all i really want is a facial. a nice, inexpensive facial, if possible.
my little brother is visiting me at the end of may and i can't wait to take him around the town again. i'm going to surprise him with yankees tickets. we tried to get good tickets for a yankees vs. boston game but couldn't so instead we will see them play toronto. i want to take him to see the statue of liberty and ellis island because i've never even been there and it's another thing i can cross off my list of 'touristy new york attactions i must see before i die'.
i want to take him to karaoke at arlene grocery and i want to have a barbecue/party here at our house so he can meet some of my new york people. which reminds me that we need to buy more propane.
march is almost over. i must find things to look forward to in april. interviews, perhaps?
i threw away another garbage bag full of clothes to try to stop myself from wearing ugly things. now i will have to either go naked or never leave the house again. or maybe i will sew a bunch of pretty springy skirts. i have a pattern and some magenta fabric so i need to do that and make some curtains for the living room.
bryan's mom called me today and she keeps asking me if everything is ok. i hate when people ask me if everything is ok because whenever people say that it's as if they want you to start crying and sob "oh, actually everything is just horrible and i want to tell you all about it!". so yeah, i told her everything is great, despite the fact that i haven't worked in 2 years. yes, 2 years april 5th. reaching the 2 year mark means i have won the title of Almighty Do-Nothing. when you realize most of your weekly laundry consists of pajamas, it is a sad, sad day. anyway, she told me she just wants me to be happy and made some remarks (yet again) about a wedding and her grandchildren that i have not yet given birth to. yes, again she mentions how she just wants some grandchildren and i have told her time and time again i'll squeeze one out and she can handle it until it knows how to wipe itself and then i'll take over.
the only thing that's really going great is my relationship with bryan. he's more than i could have ever asked for. he's understanding, loving, caring, compassionate, with love unwavering.
and he makes me laugh. any other guy would have kicked me to the curb by now. but i guess he sees some promise in me.
without that i don't know where i'd be.