swipe card

i have come to the realization that i will lose my will to live if i have to rely on corporate jobland forever.
i would rather gouge my eyes out.
in order to be happy i feel i must be in an outdoor setting getting my hands dirty and/or working for myself.
i must remedy this situation, stat.

no copy machines, no fluorescent lights, no swipe cards, no meetings, no conference room, no speaker phone, no touching base, no proactivity, no keeping people in the loop, no getting back to you, no faxing, no recycled recirculated air, no cubicles, no elevators, no receptionists, no corporation.

it was raining so hard in the middle of the night that i woke up and thought bryan was running a bath. i was crossing broadway this morning and this umbrellaless guy was totally hitting on this girl with an umbrella, asking her if she would share it with him. she said no. he had some nerve because her umbrella was clearly a one person umbrella.

in relationship news:
bryan says i need to work on being nicer and more fun (around him, specifically). i used to be nicer and more fun and don't know what happened. he also thinks i'm crass. he says i'm like a car in an accident. i crass.
what steps can i take to be nicer? i think that i've gotten rough around the edges.
i need to smile more, too.

after work i went to lord and taylor and bought a cute stripey shirt and this purse:



then i met bryan at GO for sushi and we took a cab home.
i just took a nice, hot shower. i find that i need to shower both at morning and at night otherwise i can't sleep.

last weekend:
concert
thai food
haircut
seaport
shishie
mexican food
margarita
wine
shopping
book store
exercise
chinese food
nails
television

this weekend:
father's day sunday all day
friday and saturday are open
???

last night i dreamt that me and martha stewart went for a bike ride.
and i dreamt about my uncle brad.

this morning on the train the loud-ass preacher asshole guy spouted off his spiel.
luckily it was only for 5 minutes and then he went to the next car.
good for him because i was going to freak out if he didn't.

i had yesterday off and spent it cleaning the apartment and gardening and cooking. blt for lunch and tortellini with a vegetable filled red sauce for dinner.
i got my fingernails all dirty while gardening and ended up having to cut them all off.
i planted my baby basil.
i found that a chestnut had been hidden in one of my pots and was forgotten by the squirrel who put it there and it has started to grow into a tree!

ok, now back to work.

it's all hype, i tell you.
you want it cuz they got it and they got it cuz you want it.
but you know what? i don't want it!
so now i'm confuzzled.

(written monday, june 2nd)

work was easy peasy today. it was the best monday on record.
after work i went to union square and people-watched while waiting for bryan to meet me.

i saw:
-a large man riding a segway down the street
-a middle-aged man in a suit/brief case riding a motorized razor scooter jobby down the street
-lots of mister softy ice cream eaters
-a clown-nosed "hip" guy pushing a shopping cart that held a red folding chair and a video camera
-a lot of black women wearing gold ankle bracelets
-eric from road rules
-a man with a white rat on his shoulder
-several 'photographers'
-several skateboarders who couldn't skateboard
-many many women wearing inappropriate footwear, struggling to walk

--
we went to paragon where bryan bought a rain coat much like the one paddington bear wears except it's yellow. it's sickeningly cute. i got some exercise clothes to promote exercise. then we had noodles at republic and i met some people for beers.

good times.

so, hi. i haven't done a real update in awhile because i haven't really had the chance to think. my body clock is adjusting to waking up at 7 a.m. except it's been wanting to automatically wake up at 6 instead just to piss me off. i am motivated by the mighty dollar and that's okay for now. i'm gradually building up a work wardrobe again because i discovered that i no longer like the work clothes i wore 2 years ago since the pants are all high-waisted to make my ass look mammoth in proportion to my waist. thank god for low-riseish pants. they shrinketh my assy. i've gone a little shoe crazy lately and bought 3 pairs of summer shoes in the last few weeks. i love shoes in an unpure way.

i am so grateful for this job. it came just in the nick of time, too. things were getting pretty stressy around here and now i feel much better knowing that i can start paying for my own shit and bills. the only thing i am worried about is the fact that none of my taxes are going to be taken out since i'm freelance so i need to figure out how much to set aside. anyone out there ever freelance and know?

the dreaded subway ride to and from work isn't half bad. i've figured out that if i take the 8:25 train i can always get a seat. if i leave a little early (4:55 at the latest) i can also get a seat on the way back. this is most important in the mornings since if i can't sit down first thing in the morning i feel like i'm going to pass out.

i'm still looking for something better/more permanent but it's slim pickins. the ny times help wanteds section is consistently 3 pages long (short).

i can't believe it's already june. it is getting a little warmer but the rain is relentless. i need to start making plans for the summer. i want to take a roadtrip where i'm behind the wheel and i will.