do we ever really *KNOW* anything? i think most of this life is a crap shoot. chutes and ladders, spin the bottle, spin the wheel of fortune.
i'll take an l for loser, vanna.
i feel like running away lately. every so often i get this urge. maybe every few years or so when i start to feel the decay, i feel like i need to evacuate whatever space i'm occupying. i am so tired.
maybe self-help books work? god knows there are enough of them on the shelves of barnes and noble. oprah has to be on to something.
perhaps i should take a jaunt to some distant "workshop" where i can explore my "inner self" and discover what i truly want. (no, not a commune.)
hey, look! i'm a hippy. i even stopped wearing deodorant just to piss people off.
now i will go look for a nice long stick and a red handkerchief. i know how to whistle so that's a plus.

i am turning a new leaf. no more complainy lisa. only positive thoughts flowing through me. only good words working their way past my lips. only nice things to think of. only happy thoughts. happy happy clouds, happy faces, happy good good. people all start out as innocent, kind, lovely creatures. i need to remember this and go back to the roots.
i also need goals. goals and a light at the end of the tunnel. i need to dream the impossible dream.

To dream the impossible dream,
to fight the unbeatable foe
To bear with unbearable sorrow,
to run where the brave dare not go…

To fight for the right
without question or pause
to be willing to march into hell
for a heavenly cause.

ok, that was a bit much. but you know what i'm saying.
bitching and complaining is pointless.

i have all these anti-establishment feelings but i'm all talk and no action, baby!
when's the revolution starting? anyone in on it with me?
no more ant farms.

frustration.

friday we went to the summer house in new jersey for the fourth of july foodfest bryan's family always has. i managed to get away from there unscathed as i only ate one hot dog and a few other goodies. nothing major. i took a quick dip in the murky lake and then we departed right around the time the downtown fireworks were shooting off. we had a perfect view as we drove over the triborough bridge.

saturday we went to target and i bought a yoga mat, FINALLY. i also purchased some lovely tupperware. such soft, pretty colors. now, bringing my lunch to work will be so much classier.
after target we stopped for some sushi at sato and lugged all our goodies home.
bryan went out later and picked up the pianist and we watched it with full attention. it was beautiful. adrien brody did deserve that oscar. i like his look.

today shishie came over and we crafted. i worked on my quilt and she knitted. we took a break and went out and got pedicures (her first time!) and then ice cream. we resumed quilting and watched sex and the city as bryan fed us tons of grilled meat. now i am dicking around on the internet and dreading going to work tomorrow. dreading.

things that fucking annoy me about being a woman:

-that we are expected to look cute and sexy all the goddamned time.

-that looking cute and sexy means wearing painful shoes that fuck up my feet.

-that our bodies have to remind us every single day that we are meant for reproduction.

-makeup and feeling like i have to wear it or else i'll be "ugly".

-boobs. they're annoying. especially in the summer.

-that we feel the need to watch what we eat for fear of becoming fatasses.

-all the money i'm going to waste on pedicures this summer because i suck at doing it myself.

-having to pee sitting down.

-bikini line maintenance.

-the fact that there's no pantyline-less underwear. don't say ass crack floss because i think that's awful.

-the perfume conspiracy. you wear it and everybody around you knows because you reek, yet being a girl somehow means forcing pretty smells onto our skin. why?


i'm sure i'll think of more later.

this past weekend i:
bought bday presents for 2 moms
bought running/exercise clothes (even those shorts with built-in undies!)
ate pear salad at noho star
ran
did yoga
bought 2 ladytron cds
luvvined
watched 'the ring' and it wasn't scary to me
had sushi
bought a baby blue tank top, wifebeater stylee
ate greek seafood in astoria
received a gift of a silk kite shaped like a bird (from bry's grandpa)
watched sex and the city
sewed
avoided people

last night i ran again and i was dumb enough to try sprinting and pulled my quads.
fargle.