I've been thinking a lot about what makes a good person.

There was always something magical about my mother's handwriting. The napkins she'd jot little heartfelt words of encouragement on and tuck away in my lunchbox each day held that flowery free script with the Laverne L's that felt like home. When I was too young to know cursive, I'd stand beside her as she wrote letters and stare in amazement as if the loops and lines coming from her pen were a secret language only adults could translate. I'd often ask her how long it took for her to be able to write that way and she'd smile and tell me that someday I'd write just like her. My best friend in junior high also had a very distinct hand. She'd carefully position a perfect little circle over every i instead of the plain and predictable dot. Her writing, like my mother's, has stayed constant throughout the years. In a world so erratic it comforts me to know that some things will forever be familiar, tucked away in a shoebox scrawled onto a page.

things that i used to be afraid of but have overcome my fear of:

-lighting matches and lighters. fire.
-riding the new york city subway by myself.
-finding my way around manhattan or queens or brooklyn by myself.
-saying hello back to strangers who say hello to me.
-tampons.
-bangs.
-the cutting of the cuticles.
-ethnic food.

things i'm still afraid of:

-microwaves. it's the wave part.
-automobiles and the people who drive them.
-plane landings.
-germs. i wash my hands a LOT.

tonight was shishie's housewarming. i'm really glad i have my fake engagement ring because it wards off perverts on the subway. even so, i got stared at and looked over like a piece of meat 3 times tonight. once on the way to brooklyn and twice on the way back. sometimes i wish i was ugly so that men would leave me the hell alone.
i suppose that's what i get for travelling home by myself at 3 in the morning.

turn the pain into power.

no man is an island unto himself. (this really sucks)

just taking notes..

i forgot to post the link to my san fran pics.
thar she blows.

i don't:

-bargain or look for the 'cheap deal'. i look for quality, period. if it's cheap, it's cheap. if it's not cheap, oh well.
-eat mayonnaise or mustard, EVER.
-make eye contact unless i know you already.
-fall asleep anywhere except bed.
-miss my daily flossing.
-stand people up.
-dress to impress.
-pretend to like you if i don't.
-go to bed dirty.
-go to bed early.
-enjoy waking up.
-walk under ladders.
-call bryan "honey".
-arrive late.
-overtip.
-talk on the phone very much.
-wink.
-like pointy shoes. they remind me of witches.
-ski.
-play an instrument.
-think i'm too old for coloring books. i just bought a spanish one.
-go out on friday nights. saturday nights are better.
-make my bed.
-wear eyeliner or mascara. too messy.
-smile enough.
-know where my slippers are and my feet are freezing.
-know you.